The Really Long Law Firm Website Legal Disclaimer

To the aging senior partners of the nation’s largest law firms, it’s scary to think their firms might be venturing into the wilderness of the Internet completely naked—that is, without an ironclad legal disclaimer.

And so it came to be: the really long law firm website legal disclaimer.

The aging senior partners held a meeting with their brightest young associates. Sure, the senior partners said, maybe Davis, Polk and Wardell can make do with a simple 13-word sentence on their “about this site” page. But that’s a disclaimer just begging for a lawsuit. We want something more like Mayer Brown Rowe & Maw’s: 4,068 words, with numbered sub-parts.

And while you’re at it, said the senior partners to the bright young associates, let’s do more. It’s a disclaimer, isn’t it? Disclaim something else.

Well, responded the associates, what about disclaiming incidental, special, consequential, exemplary, multiple or other indirect damages?

And, said the associates, don’t our Fortune 500 clients swear by arbitration clauses? Why not add one of those?

And, the associates continued, how about if we put the disclaimer into a separate pdf file, in order to make it extra hard to find out what we’re disclaiming?

Ahem, coughed the senior partners. That’s all very good. But what about those damn kids? Can’t we keep them off our website? Disclaim anyone under age 13!

And the poor, said the partners, they’re a nuisance too--always e-mailing requests for pro bono legal help. Find a way to disclaim the poor!

For a moment, the associates were stunned. Disclaim the poor? We can’t do that, they said.

The aging senior partners stood firm. Find a way, they demanded.

And so, they did.